snow+cone's+writing

__**character-**__ //Hungry Howie//

__**Idioms-**__ //whole 9 yards// //kick the bucket//

__**Moral-**__ //never eat at Pizza Hut

Once there was a man named Howie he// //grew up in a small town he loved food. He played sports but always on the court thought about Cheez-its and Hersey's (like a lot of overweight kids). So he always got called hungry Howie. One day he would go over to Kerpal's house his friend and Kerpal's mom made something called Pizza Howie also had salad. From that day on he had Pizza for Breakfeast, Pizza for lunch, Pizza for dinner etc. He thought he would try to work at Charle's Pizza store. He had been hired for the job and the owner told Howie that Charle was getting old and they wanted Howie to own it. Howie owned the Pizza store for a couple of years than took it a part. Howie would keep the pizza but change the name to Hungry Howie's. Howie was a popular kid in school so when people heard about Hungry Howie's they went running. In the first week Howie made $111,358 bucks. He was getting to like this money/pizza stuff. During the early 1970's Howie had tried to be sued for putting a finger in someones salad on accident. He got away with it but less people came. Then pizza hut came and everybody went there. Howie decided to quit. He got a house and moved to the country. Today He is turning 84, and had a heart-attack and decided to kick the bucket.// Every one remembered Howie because he was a hero to all kid's that were lazy. He is burried in New York in Central Park grave. There are still Hungry Howie's all over the place. If you haven't had pizza Then I suggest you try Hungry Howie's pizza store. If you eat Pizza Hut instead Howie's ghost will haunt you for the rest of your life.

THE END dear snow cone I really liked your writing because it was incluting pizza.I wonderd how old was howie when they gave him the pizza store.I liked the way you did a story with business.Im wondering when did howie die.I wonder if you like pizza! from:gianfranco to:snowcone

i like all the detail and facts. Thank You. HorsePerson meyerislandchief writes: where's your edit? right here check your spelling and grammar I did add more adjectives & adverbs (describing words) to really bring the story visually to life for your reader. add dialog & then break your dialog down into smaller paragraphs with each time a new speak talks, a new paragraph starts.

Dear Snow Cone, I heard in your story that Howie was a very hungry person. He also liked to work in his store. He won a lot of money in one week don't you think? I liked your topic and the main idea. I wondered what happend to Howie when he moved to another country? Where did you get that topic? Your mind is full of imaginaction. Keep up the good writing. Your friend, Ok i will Camila