HorsePerson's+writing

click here to go to my classblogmeister account: my classblogmeister

HorsePerson's writing How The Horse Got Its Tail How the horse got its tail

1.) flies would always land on it. 2.) needed a way to get animals from bugging him 3.) to dust his tracks away from predators

Idioms 1.) blue sky 2.) go the extra mile Moral always trust your good friends Plot 1.) Horse keeps getting fly bites because he can't swish them away 2.) He gets teased because he has a small fur-covered tail 3.) All of the horse's friends notice that he is being picked on and has a ton of fly bites 4.) The horse's friends help him get a long, flowing, thick tail 5.) The horse becomes the most respected animal on the farm & can swat flies

First Draft Once a pon a time at a beautiful farm long ago there was a horse. Not just any horse but one with a wonderful black coat. The only fault was he had a short fur tail. He could not swat away the flies AND everyone made jokes about his tail. The horses only friend were a donkey, dog, and the white horse. All of them wanted to find a way to help there friend because he had fly bites all over him. When they asked if they could get the magical fairy for help the horse said"I do not need help it is all blue sky." but he knew it was not true. The friends had a special meeting. " I think we should do it anyway,"said the donkey as if he knew it was right. " That would just get him mad," the dog remarked. " I agree with donkey, we all care about him so lets do it. Maybe he will thank us," the white horse sighed. The next day the friends went to go get the fairy. When they got there the fairy said they could make a wish for their friend but the wish would come the next day. The next day when the horse woke up a fly landed on him. The horse swished at the fly and it flew away. " Thats odd" the horse remarked. When he went outside he looked in the shiney food bin and saw the new tail. He was so surprised that he went to tell his friends. When he got where they were they were smiling. Then the horse realized that they went to go get the wish. " You guys are the best every," the horse had a tear fall down his chin. Then the horse told everyone to go the extra mile for great friends. The horse became the most respected animal on the farm. Always trust great friends!



Revised Draft Once upon a time at a beautiful farm long ago in [|Lexington Kentucky] there was a horse. Not just any horse though, but one with a wonderful sleek black coat. The only fault on his gorgeus body was a small haired fur tail. It was so stubby that it was useless. There was simply no use for it! Sometimes he wodered why he had ever gotten this hidious tail. He could not swat away the flies AND everyone made jokes about his tail. The horses only friend were a donkey named Phil a dog named Miley and the white horse named Prince. All of them wanted to find a way to help there friend because he was in such bad shape. When they asked if they could get the magical fairy for help the horse said"I do not need help it is all blue sky." but he knew it was not true. The friends had a special meeting in old creeking barn. " I think we should do it anyway," said the Phil as if he knew it was right and that he knew it all. " That would just get him mad," the Miley remarked. " I agree with Prince, we all care about him so lets do it. Maybe he will thank us," the white horse sighed. The next day the friends went to go get the fairy. When they got there the fairy said they could make a wish for their friend but the wish would come the next day. The next day when the horse woke up a fly landed on him. The horse swished at the fly and it flew away annoyed because that was the only horse that he could"bug." " That's odd," the horse remarked. When he went outside he looked in the shinny grain bin and saw the flowing new tail. He was so surprised that he went to tell his magnifacent friends. When he got where they were all smiling a happy smile. Then the horse realized that they went to go get the wish from the beautiful fairy. " You guys are the best friends ever in the whole wide world," the horse had a shiny tear fall down his chin. Then the horse told everyone to go the extra mile for great friends. The horse became the most respected animal on the farm. Always trust great friends!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ I revised my writing. HorsePerson1

Hi HorsePerson I heard that your story is about a horse, a donkey, and a dog that the horse get fly bites and the dog and the donkey go to the fairy. Then the horse gets a tail and the horse is surprised. Here is my comment I really like how you told the main character. What are the names of the boar, the dog, and the donkey name? I also like how you told how they helped the horse and at the end to trust good friends. That is what I like that in your story. ed animal on the farm. Always trust great friends!

Nice story HorsePerson I like all the detail and its cool on how it got its tail. -basketball4life

Thanks you guys. Your comments were helpful and kind. The most improved blogs are DylanW's, Gabby's, and Bianca's. From my class is wolfpack's, summer's, and hgymnast's blogs.

Final Draft Once upon a time at a beautiful farm long ago in [|Lexington Kentucky] there was a horse. Not just any horse though, but one with a wonderful sleek black coat. The only fault on his gorgeous body was a small haired fur tail. It was so stubby that it was useless. There was simply no use for it! Sometimes he wondered why he had ever gotten this hideous tail. He could not swat away the flies AND everyone made jokes about his tail. The horses only friend were a donkey named Phil a dog named Milo and the white horse named Prince. All of them wanted to find a way to help there friend because he was in such bad shape. When they asked if they could get the magical fairy for help the horse said"I do not need help it is all blue clear sky." but he knew it was not true. The friends had a special meeting in old creaking barn. " I think we should do it anyway," said the Phil as if he knew it was right and that he knew it all. " That would just get him mad," the Milo remarked. " I agree with Prince, we all care about him so lets do it. Maybe he will thank us," the white horse sighed. The next day the friends went to go get the fairy. When they got there the fairy said they could make a wish for their friend but the wish would come the next day. The next day when the horse woke up a fly landed on him. The horse swished at the fly and it flew away annoyed because that was the only horse that he could"bug." " That's odd," the horse remarked. When he went outside he looked in the shinny grain bin and saw the flowing new tail. He was so surprised that he went to tell his magnifiacent friends. When he got where they were all smiling a happy smile. Then the horse realized that they went to go get the wish from the beautiful fairy. " You guys are the best friends ever in the whole wide world," the horse had a shiny tear fall down his chin. Then the horse told everyone to go the extra mile for great friends. The horse became the most respected animal on the farm. Always trust great friends!

I like the details in your story.I didn't see any incorrect punctuations or spelling.Why did the horse have a short stubby tail?Was he born that way?You didn't leave me confused anywhere in your story.
 * summer07

meyerislandchief writes: Interesting story, break it down into smaller chunks for the reader to digest. It is one big paragraph right now. Work on making each change in dialog a new paragraph.** meyerislandchief writes: check your spelling and grammar more adjectives & adverbs (describing words) to really bring the story visually to life for your reader. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Dear HorsePerson, I enjoyed that story.I hear that the horse did not had friends and he felt very sad.Until they called the fairy and the next morning he got his tail long an could take off the flys.I liked that the horses friends heped the hores get back his normal tail back.I have a question what are the horses friends names?

Your Friend ,Rosalia Cochon