wolfpack's+writing

=__BRAIN STORM!__= 1.New girl in school 2.Guys name is Jesse 3.Little sisters name is Mable

2.)Beat the Band
 * 1.) Bee in your Bonnet**

The Moral of the story is that you can go to the bathroom for free and you can do whatever you want to do!

__First Draft!__
===It all started, When Jesse,and Mable were poor ,and they didn't have enough money for new shoes, cause Jesse had to get his only shoes got thrown away cause they were, all worn out and junk and really bad looking. So then Jesse had to where girls shoes! They were pink,and white,so then he toke a dry eraser marker so then he had Black,and White shoes! Then there was this new kid her name is Leslie,She started to Beat the Band Then he totally ignored her ,cause she is a girl,and usually boys ignore girls some boys do that! One day Leslie had a Bee in her Bonnet went to school, and this was a true place. Nobody believed her!===

===Then they found out that Leslie lives right next door to Jesse and Mable! Beat the Band one day one of the monsters got into there Green House and messed-up the plants ,and knocked off some of there plants. Mable and her Dad took forever water and planting there plants. The next day after school Leslie asked Jesse if they can make a hide out. One day Leslie wanted to make a wind chin,so she got into the Green House and borrowed there keys.Toke it and made a wind chine! If Jesse didn't find it he would be grounded for his hole life most likely. His dad is very mean to him not to anybody else. Leslie beat him in a boys race ,and shes a girl running with the boys.===

BY:wolfpack
=__Revised Legend!__=

===It all started, When Jesse,and Mable were poor ,and they didn't have enough money for new shoes, cause Jesse had to get his only shoes got thrown away cause they were, all worn out and junk and really bad looking. So then Jesse had to where girls shoes! They were pink,and white,so then he toke a dry eraser marker so then he had Black,and White shoes! Then there was this new kid her name is Leslie! Then he totally ignored her ,cause she is a girl,and usually boys ignore girls some boys do that! One day Leslie went to school and this was a true place. Nobody believed her!=== ===Then they found out that Leslie lives right next door to Jesse and Mable! One day one of the monsters got into there Green House and messed-up the plants ,and knocked off some of there plants. Mable and her Dad took forever water and planting there plants. The next day after school Leslie asked Jesse if they can make a hide out. One day Leslie wanted to make a wind chin,so she got into the Green House and borrowed there keys.Toke it and made a wind chine! If Jesse didn't find it he would be grounded for his hole life most likely. His dad is very mean to him not to anybody else. Leslie beat him in a boys race ,and shes a girl running with the boys!===

~wolfpack =__Final Draft__=

===It all started, When Jesse,and Mable were poor ,and they didn't have enough money for new shoes, cause Jesse had to get his only shoes got thrown away cause they were, all worn out and junk and really bad looking. So then Jesse had to where girls shoes! They were pink,and white,so then he toke a dry eraser marker so then he had Black,and White shoes! Then there was this new kid her name is Leslie,She started to Beat the Band Then he totally ignored her ,cause she is a girl,and usually boys ignore girls some boys do that! One day Leslie had a Bee in her Bonnet went to school, and this was a true place. Nobody believed her!===

===Then they found out that Leslie lives right next door to Jesse and Mable! Beat the Band one day one of the monsters got into there Green House and messed-up the plants ,and knocked off some of there plants. Mable and her Dad took forever water and planting there plants. The next day after school Leslie asked Jesse if they can make a hide out. One day Leslie wanted to make a wind chin,so she got into the Green House and borrowed there keys.Toke it and made a wind chine! If Jesse didn't find it he would be grounded for his hole life most likely. His dad is very mean to him not to anybody else. Leslie beat him in a boys race ,and shes a girl running with the boys.Then this bully came and Mable couldn't go to the bathroom,cause she didn't have a dollar!=== ===    The bully threw a sandwich at Jesse's shoulder {he didn't really appreciate that!} Then he went to the his teacher to a museum and he forgot to ask Leslie to go with him! So when he was at the museum,Leslie was going to there fort...the water got to far high and sheswung on the rope and it snapped on her and she fell into the water and she drowned and hit her head and died! So when Jesse got home that she died! So he went to there fort he seen that the rope snapped! Then he started to cry.=== ~wolfpack

===Other then ignored getting spelled wrong every thing was good. You had a long story, but were they brother and sister. Do they have parents how old are they. How did you just decided to make a story with these characters. I think that was creative. comments by:snow cone===

meyerislandchief writes: check your spelling and grammar add more adjectives & adverbs (describing words) to really bring the story visually to life for your reader. Add dialog & then break your dialog down into smaller paragraphs with each time a new speak talks, a new paragraph starts. break this down, it is just one big paragraph!

Dear Wolfpack, I heard thatyour story was about, well I did not undrstand your story .All I understud was that two boys wared girl shose that were pink and white and painted them black.I liked the boys wearing girl shose cause that the only thing I understud, but I liked it.I wounder how did tthey get the shose? From the garbage can or something like that?I have a question aboutyour story, was it hard to write the story? comment by:Paula(CMS)+ How does it not make sense to you ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ By : Danny Sanmiguel C.M.S I heard...you had some kids that where poor. I liked... that you put in a kid named Jesse because he is my best friend. I wonder about... how you got the idea.


 * It was from a movie! It was Bridge to Tarribetha!**