sgymnast's+writing

One time there was a wicked witch who hated children. Her grandchild was about two years old or so. The grandma who was the witch was trying to get her granddaughter to go on a walk through the woods. She was planning to get her to capture her and eat her but couldn't cause the child's mother wouldn't trust her. So she just had to take her when she is sleeping. Why'll they were sleeping she took her to a cauldron and turned it all the way up to boil. When she was ready the child's mother came in and saved her and she never came back. At least for a couple of weeks until she came and snuck in the back door and started to boil the water for the little girl that she was going to eat if her mom wouldn't catch her. the water was boiling and she new that it was time for breakfast, though she didn't know that her granddaughter had moved away to Texas to stay away from her grandma the witch. When the witch got there she ran into the little girls bedroom and nothing was there but dust. The little girl's favorite doll that her grandma the witch gave her was lying on the ground. The witch thought about all of the good times that she had with her grandchild. She realized what she was trying to do to her and left to every single state just to find her granddaughter and return it to her and say that she was sorry that she was trying to eat her. The grandchild understood that she was sorry, but the mother wasn't sure about the witch. Then she looked over to where they were playing at and saw that the grandma actually was telling the truth, they all went on vacations together and did other things together, and whenever she wasn't with her grandchild that wouldn't happen cause she was always right there by her side guiding her through her life, well until she was older but still visited her every day. From that day on she never ever tried to eat another human ever again after her lesson. The grandma was lying about eating another human but she was not lying about she was not going to eat her.

THE END! Dear Sgymnast I heard that there was a wicked witch who hated children,she wanted to eat her grandchild, her mom did not trust her, and she was going to catch her grandchild in her sleep.

I liked how you have alot of details such as how you told that the witch wanted to eat her grandchild, and I liked the ending because the witch was lying, and I liked the word cauldron Because instead of using pot you put a mre interesting word there with cauldron. **Chris 3-14-07**

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Chris writes: Pretty good details, but try to add more so more people will want to know more about it and will comment on it.

sgymnast writes: Thank you for your comment on telling me that I needed to add more details, I thought about it and then I agreed with you. Again thanks for your help!

meyerislandchief writes: check your spelling and grammar add more adjectives & adverbs (describing words) to really bring the story visually to life for your reader. Add dialog & then break your dialog down into smaller paragraphs with each time a new speak talks, a new paragraph starts. Your one big paragraph makes it difficult to read, break it down.

sgymnast writes, thank you Mr.Meyer I will check my spelling and grammar and add more adjectives and adverbs.