Weird+Al's+Writing

One day a chocolate cow came to a poor farm, MMMMMMOOOOOOOOOO. So the farmer started milking it... Suddenly solid chocolate came out,and the farmer went hole hog and ate it. He also kept it a secret from his family,and about selling the solid chocolate and didn't share the money with them! Later that year one night a guy found out that this farmer got rich by not telling anyone that he is making this money. So he robbed them and took all the money, so the farmer decied to not to keep secerts.

=**The moral of this story is not to be greedy**=

COMMENTS?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Hello Weird-Al so I heard in your story that the cow produces choclate milk and the farmer dose not like to share right? you might want to make a way longer story next time with more details ok because your story really did not tell me anything. you had to say the moral of the book or I would of had no clue. But for a story that short you did very good. bye from Kylie

meyerislandchief writes: I'm not so sure what your moral is within the story. I heard the story about a farmer who has a chocolate cow. He farmer eats the cow and doesn't tell anyone. He doesn't share.

I wonder where did the money come from? How did he get money if he ate the whole cow? How did his money get stolen? Who stole his money? Where is the farm? Why was the farmer hungry? Did he have a chocolate addiction? Did his family know about the cow? How did it get turned into chocolate? Was it able to move? Chocolate is pretty hard unless it gets melted. Was it a melted cow?

I like how you used the caps to show the loud sound of the cow mooing. I also like how you spelled chocolate correctly.

I would like to see more background about your story - is it a legend or a fable? I would also like to see two idioms and a moral of the story explained, not just stated, it is hard to figure out what it is. Does it have to do something with not telling the truth and something bad happening because of it? I would like to see dialog and quotation marks used correctly.

meyerislandchief writes: check your spelling and grammar add more adjectives & adverbs (describing words) to really bring the story visually to life for your reader. break your dialog down into smaller paragraphs with each time a new speak talks, a new paragraph starts. You need to write more, I'm just not feeling much coming from your story. I know you are full of great creative ideas, how can you expand this beyond what you've written? Poke-A-Doke writes: Dear Weird-Al Your story is slightly short, You should add more details. What is the moral of your story becuase I do not see it in there. I herd that when the cow was milked solid chocolote came out, then the farmer went whole hog and ate it. Did he eat it all? How much money did the farmer get for the solid chocolote? You might want to work you're moral in instead of puting it outside. Why did you make the cow moo. Also why was it so long?

Dear Werid Al,

I heard that your writing is about a Cow that came to a poor farm. What i liked was when the people beagan to milk the cow. I wonder from where you got this cool idea could you please tell me. So I have a question do you like cows and farms?

your friend

Alexandra Grullon dear Weired Al, I heared thatthat the cow did chocolate. I liked that the cow do chocolate. I wondered that the cow do chocolate milk? from Federico