Eragon's+writing


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 * Main Subject

A person who can see how long everything is going to live.

IDIOMS 1)end of story 2)blind leading the blind

Moral Do smart things with your life

5 MAIN EVENTS 1)He sees numbers over everyones head. 2)He goes to see a wise old woman. 3)The old woman tells him to go to the forest. 4)In a cave an oracle says he can

Rough Draft**

Once upon a time,there was a boy. He looked like any other 11 year old boy. His name was Jack,but he didn't see the world like everyone else. Ever since he lied and got bad grades in school (became a slacker),he could see numbers over everyone's head. What these numbers meant no-one knew,but that is where I come into play. The numbers meant how long everyone would live,he thought this but his mother didn't believe him. He went to counseling because his mom thought he went off the deep end. His counselor told him to go into the woods and talk to an old man,he said he would be there. The man would help him,so as he left he saw some people whose time was into the hours section. He couldn't help but feel bad for them,but the more of it he saw,the more he wanted to get to the old man. Finally he got there,he was there,it was midnight his mom was probably worried sick,but he could care less. The old man appeared and said,"if you want to rid yourself of the curse,MAKE GOOD CHOICES",then,he poofed away. The next few weeks he made good choices,and when his report-card got home and his mom looked at it she screamed with delight but Jack didn't hop up and down because someone importants time was out but then the curse vanished. But he still knew that persons time was up know. But he still felt sort of happy. That's all folks!


 * Revised Version**

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, there was a boy. He looked like any other 11- year old boy. His name was Jack. He didn't see the world like everyone else. Ever since he lied, and got bad grades in school (became a slacker), he could see numbers over everyone's head. What these numbers meant no-one knew, but that is where I come into play. The numbers meant how long everyone would live. He thought this but his mother didn't believe him. He went to counseling because his mom thought he went off the deep end. His counselor told him to go into the woods and talk to an old man (an oracle), he said he would be by the biggest tree and he would help him.

As he left, he saw some people whose time was into the hours section. He couldn't help but feel bad for them, but the more of it he saw, the more he wanted to get to the old man. Finally he got there, it was midnight, and his mom was probably worried sick, but he could care less. The old man appeared and said,"If you want to rid yourself of the curse,MAKE GOOD CHOICES", then ,he sizzled away in a shine of ultra-violet light, so bright Jack had to cover his eye's.

The next few weeks he made excellent choices, and when his report-card got home his mom looked at it she shrieked, and Jack ran downstairs and said "Whats wrong?" She said "You got all A's!"

For the first time in a while Jack felt happy, and then, the curse vanished and he saw a vision of the old man, and he was smiling. He said "Good Job" and vanished.

Jack lived the rest of his life happily. That's all folks!


 * Final Draft**

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, there was a boy. He looked like a normal video-game playing, brainwashed by T.V 11 year old boy. He was given the name Jackson, but everyone called him "Jack". Although out of every other similarity, he didn't see the world like everyone else. Ever since he lied, got bad grades in school (became a slacker), he could see numbers over everyone's head. What these numbers meant no-one knew, but that is where I come into play. The numbers meant how long everyone would live. He thought this but his mother didn't believe him. He went to counseling because his mom thought he went off the deep end. His counselor told him to go into the woods and talk to an old man (an oracle), he said he would be by the biggest tree and he would help him.

As he left, he saw some people whose time was into the hours section. He couldn't help but feel bad for them, but the more of it he saw, the more he wanted to get to the old man. Finally he got there, it was midnight, and his mom was probably worried sick, but he could care less. The old man appeared and said,"If you want to rid yourself of the curse,MAKE GOOD CHOICES", then ,he sizzled away in a shine of ultra-violet light, so bright Jack had to cover his eye's.

The next few weeks he made excellent choices, and when his report-card got home his mom looked at it she shrieked, and Jack ran downstairs and said "Whats wrong?" She said "You got all A's!"

For the first time in a while Jack felt happy, and then, the curse vanished and he saw a vision of the old man, and he was smiling. He said "Good Job" and vanished.

Jack lived the rest of his life happily. That's all folks!


 * COMMENTS?

[|classblogmeister] is where our class blog is, to view it, type in Dean Meyer in the username space and enter.

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Hi Eragon. Im Bianca. Here are my comments. I understood that there was a boy named Jack and he could read numbers on the tops of some ones head about how long someone lives. I like how you put delight instead of happiness. You might want to put spaces after your punctuation.

the chief writes: where is your revised / improved version of this story - I only see grammar edits. eh?** meyerislandchief writes: check your spelling and grammar add more adjectives & adverbs (describing words) ex. said - shouted, whispered, screamed, etc..

Dear Eragon, I liked the way you wrote that the number on peoples head ment when they were going to die.Chek some exclamation marks so the story is better.from gianfranco