milk+shake's+writing

__//Characters//__ Me a roman Emperor and my army**
 * {WEB}

Zero Patience//
 * //__idioms__//**
 * //The whole 9 yards

__//Moral//__**
 * Don't count your chickens before they hatch.

1) The Romans think they are going to blow out the Gypsies 2) I lead my army to battle** 4)We find out that the Gypsies have better weapons 5) WE get beat the Gypsies**
 * 3)We fight against gypsies

{roughdraft}
 * Once upon a time I the great Emperor Mikeous Lead my team into a battle against the Gypsies. All my army Was Boasting Because we never lost a battle.We all thought this battle would be the easiest battle yet we had twice the people. What we did not Know the Gypsies had three times as good Weapon's as us when we met up i said Give them the whole 9 yards. My Army went full out. The sad thing was that they killed with Arrows. So I said I had zero Patience then the rest of my men charged and killed half of there Army and then............

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"Hello Milkshake Michael" (1) I really like how you said the word boasting in an action type sentence. (2) Hey Milkshake, I like how you finished with "and then...................." because it makes people really curious to know what you're going to write next. (3) Maybe you should surprise them. (4) I heard that Emperor Mikeous and your team never ever lost a battle, they must be pretty tough. (5) I heard that right when you saw them you said give them the whole nine yards, ya know sometimes its good to try. Sincerely, Emily

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{revised} The sad thing was that they killed three quarters of my army with Arrows. So I shouted as loud as I could,"**I HAVE ZERO PATIENCE NOW**." Then the rest of my men charged and killed about half of there Army and then............ A giant howling 8000 foot cloud of dust swept across the battle field horrifying my army and I. My Army and I had seen the giant dust devil before it hit so we already were retreating. The Gypsies were being stupid with the sand swirling around them they just kept coming toward us instead of retreating. Luckily all the people that were still alive in my army had a chariots. So we were three times as fast as the Gypsies and in just minutes after we arrived at our Aztec empire the dust devil stopped and had taken all the lives of our enemy. The dust devil took the bloody souls of our enemy down to the devils layer. So our record of no lost battles continues. A couple days latter we started tending to our spears, axes, and a couple of swards that we stole from the Gypsies we made all our weapons so sharp it could cut pure steel.That night we had a coffin making ceremony for my son who had died in the battle.**
 * Once upon a time on the boiling hot day, I, the great Emperor Mikeous from the great Aztec empire, lead my army into a battle wering all gold, we were fighting against the Gypsies. All my army was boasting like you could not because we never lost a battle and this army had lost to all the armys we had beat.We all thought this battle would be the easiest, and shortest battle yet. We had twice the people. But we did not Know the Gypsies had three times as good Weapon's as us. When we met up I shouted so all my army could hear "**GIVE THAM THE WHOLE 9 YARDS**." My Army went full out.

do a spell check in google docs - I like the extra details you added, but can you go beyond what you've done so far?** I would say __Tex Boy__,__Milk shake__ @ __rootbeerMI7__ changed the most because everybody else did not leave there first draft to let me see the changes they made so these are the people I can see their changes.I like the amount of progress I see In these peoples writing Eriannia, Emily@ Dylank By far have changed their blogs the most. They are the three people that it looked like they changed the most. Unlike some people it looked like they didn't even change it at all. I like the progress I see in these peoples writing.
 * The chief writes:

meyerislandchief writes: check your spelling and grammar add more adjectives & adverbs (describing words) to really bring the story visually to life for your reader. break your dialog into smaller chunks with each time a new speaker starts talking, it should be a new paragraph. Milk Shake writes:

I do not under stand what you are asking.**

{**final}** Once upon a time on the boiling hot day, I, the great Emperor Mikeous, lead my army into a battle against the Gypsies. All my army was boasting because we never lost a battle.We all thought this battle would be the easiest battle yet we had twice the people. But we did not Know the Gypsies had three times as good Weapon's as us when we met up I said "Give them the whole 9 yards." My Army went full out. The sad thing was that they killed three quarters of my army with Arrows. So I said as loud as I could,"I HAVE ZERO PATIENCE NOW." Then the rest of my men charged and killed about half of there Army and then............ A giant howling cloud of dust swept across the battle field horrifying my army and i. My Army and I had seen the giant dust devil before it hit so we already were retreating. The Gypsies were being stupid with the sand swirling around them they kept coming toward us instead of retreating. Luckily all the people that were still alive in my army had a chariot. So we were three times as fast as them and in just minutes after we arrived at our village the dust devil stopped and had taken all the lives of our enemy. The dust devil took the bloody souls of our enemy down to the devils layer. So our record of no lost battles continues. A couple days latter we started tending to our spears, axes, and a couple of swards that we stole from the Gypsies we made all our weapons so sharp it could cut pure steal.That night we had a coffin making ceremony for my son who had died in the battle. Then we had a party boy was it fun. Manuel writes, I heard that you had a army and that your army was in war with gypsys and you almost lost but the devil killed the gypsys and you killed half and you stole weopaons and used them then you had a coffin in honor of your son who died in the war. I liked the war with the gypsys and the coffin with your son that means you miss him alot. I wonderd how did you build your army?